Tattoo

I'm hoping to get this Shit done quickly!

Things are looking up....

Things are looking up for me! And i love it. I broke up with the boyfriend because I cheated on him with a college guy and my very close best friend who I have had a crush on since my freshman year in high school. The thing is i didnt feel bad about it. It felt right in so many ways. Yes I did love my BF but more like a friend. Im not rushing anything with my crush for the simple fact that with the guys i've been with in this year have wanted only sex. I gave in to one and one only and i was buzzed. The first bf i had this year well that was a drinking relationship meaning that all i ever did with him was drink and make out and sex well that was close but I did not let it happen. The next one well he didint want a relationship with me because (his words) "im not boyfriend material" so all he wanted me for was  literally sex. But that never happened never!! Then there was the 2nd boyfriend I thought that realationship would last forever, but my jealous issue of him being with the mother of his kid really bothered me! I did not like it. I just wanted to be single to be honest because im so tempted everywhere I go. But with my crush it's like every boyfriend i ever had when I'm with him no one else matters I dont know it's wierd.  But i have no intentions on having sex with him because i dont want a just sex relationship with him I want us to be comfortable with him and right now it is. Plus he knows my family and well there is one problem....he's my brothers best friend but well shit happens and we really are thinking a lot about it.


Aside from the "love" life I start school on monday :D. Blogg about that in a bit!

Tattoo Please

Well I got my first one  but im ready for a second one. I have a feeling that when i feel bad or like my life is going to hell that my only solution is getting a tattoo because i feel like the only way i can fix myself express myself is through tattoos. In my head its okay because at least im not cutting myself. It's been at least 5 months since I slipped and began cutting again. Before it was a month. Some of my friends know and well the try to help but there really isnt much they can do...

But my Second tattoo is in the works. And so are the rest. They're all really meaningful there not dumb. That one up there represents my dad. He's been sober for 8 years now. Has not had a drink for 8 years. Thats strong. Every year he gets a coin and on that coin the saying"to thine own self be true" is on there.  Thinking about getting the tree of life to represent my mom. She's my tree of life. Then after that I'll get my anchor with the saying "be the one to guide me but never hold me down" surrounding it. It just reminds me to not be with people who bring me down which i always seem to break. The next ones are small and have to deal with my body my self harm and my childhood.


until the next ,


Stay Beautiful;


Amee,

Hopeless

Lately I feel lonely forgotten insecure... im not happy with anything anymore. I have lost myself yet again. My friends have left. I have come to the realization that no matter how hard I try at friendships and relationships they never seem to work. I cant be with my bf anymore it just doesnt work. Im a guy in every realationship meaning that im the one who ends it im the one who makes up lame excuses as to why i cant be with them anymore.  I cant deal with it anymore. I dont know what to do with myself. I  hate mysself my emotions my body my everything. I wish i was prettier skinnier happier.. Im nothing i will never love myself which means no one can love me. Because if i dont love my self first how can i accept someone to love me.

Fuck MY Life!

stay beautiful


Amee,

Miss my one best friend

I miss her more than the next and more then the other.
I miss going to shows with her. I miss getting drunk with her...
I miss her laugh her smile her beautiful desire to be the best. She's a beautiful soul that lost. I want her back.
We all grow apart we all grow up.

Friends always leave....

Stay Beautiful

Amee, :/