Lately I feel alone, I always do. I put myself way out there and I get so rejected it hurts. And I just keep doing it to myself and its like no one cares. Promises broken. If they don't care why should I. Like why should I care to keep living

Every day I feel ugly. I look at myself and think how can I be alive. I don't understand.  I don't understand why people say im pretty,  what are they looking at who are they looking at. I don't even know how I have a "boyfriend" its quite disgusting.

Its been a while.

Im still struggling with my weight. Im not happy. Im at one meal a day and im still fat. Sometimes I feel light headed like right now but I ignore it. I feel weird. I feel like a look good 5% of the time but then I look back and im looking at a whale. It's pretty disgusting.  I'm ordering some juices come friday. And im excited. Im doing a three day cleanse. Which means I can only drink jucies and water for three days. I really want to get down to 110 by the summer. I hate my arms and my belly. I hate everything. Why can't I be perfect.