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Today i was told that i was getting skinny, according to what. I look at myself and just see disgusting

Food Diary for today

Breakfast:
Fiber one brownie: 90 calories
coffee with creamer: ~40 calories.
Lunch:
Greek yogurt: 140 calories
 water water water
Dinner: Im not going to eat dinner i think i'll just drink water.

going to the gym for a 20 minute run and do some abs.

Total calories= 270
 going to burn at least 200 at the gym!!!

Something is wrong with me....

Ever since I was younger I was obsessed about my weight. Everything in my life I would second guess because of my weight. I have done the best of hiding it and to this day nobody knows of the things I have put myself through. I use to cut myself... yeah cut MYSELF. It was bad my freshman and sophomore year in high school. I would always wear bracelets to cover my cuts and would always wear sweaters. I hated myself hated my life hated everything. My junior year everything was fine then i started to take hydrocodine. I lost weight and was so happy but then i no longer was supplied with them and gained it all back. I loved being on hydrocodine it made me feel good. I was numb no pain. I no longer cut myself but i did start making myself throw up. It went away and I was glad, but I was unhappy with my body with myself. I was extremely social but my self esteem was so low. I had no confidence in myself. Senior year in high school i was preoccupied with friends that I no longer cared about the cutting or purging it was no where in my mind. Then it started again the cutting it was really hard to hide because the cuts where everywhere. My thighs all over my arms. I got into drinking and i didn't care about anything. Once i started to work out everything seemed fine. I lost a lot of weight and right now I'm at 120 Lbs. I'm still fat. I hate it. I started to throw up again and I feel like that's the only way I can be happy the only way to lose all the weight. Working out and making myself throw up. I have also started to cut back on my eating. I'm thinking of keeping a food diary on here! Make me track what I eat. I'm tired of holding all this in so blogging will help even if no one reads this at least it's out in the open. Tattoos have helped me but i still feel that i look fat. I want to be skinny with tattoos! That's my goal. REACH 115 and I'll be happy.   I'm BULIMIC I suffer from EDNOS. I'm broken I have a disease.  


Stay Beautiful,

-Amee